When do you know when to let go? How do you know you need to let go of something or someone? And the toughest one for me, how do you know when you’ve done it in a way that it is really gone? Released into the ethers of forgiveness, acceptance and love? Relationships… our relationships are tied to the most sacred and instinctual parts of us. Each one is a mirror or a mimic of what once was, what we hoped would be and sometimes sadly, what will never be. At least not the way we envisioned it. You know those ones I am talking about… The vivid visions of the person that we wanted to be with or that person with whom we’ve tried so desperately to make it work. I think we know that it’s time to let go when we hear the phrase that we’ve heard our whole lives…”I just need a couple more days…” Whatever those words are that are repeated a hundred times over, but are never followed up on. The empty “I love you’s”. No they don’t. They don’t have the skill set yet and we know it. But we choose to believe they do because we force ourselves to believe ‘THIS time it will work.’ We think ‘THIS time it’s going to be different.’ Referring to a particular new relationship – which is often and unfortunately the new form of the same old thing we’ve always been in. Or it could be the most recent occurrence of that same old tape…in the same old relationship…we are still in.
Either way, I think the answer to the above interrogation I sometimes give myself is this: when it’s time I’ll know it. Unequivocally. And if you are reading this and you roll your eyes because every fucking person says that! Well then it’s your not time yet. You haven’t hit your bottom. And I’m sorry. I’m truly so sorry that there are a few more go arounds of this on your path. But please know, please please please know, from the most deep and gnawing place in my own being, that when the time comes, it will be perfect. You couldn’t have had it or done it or received it any more perfectly than you will when it happens. And they couldn’t have either. Sometimes the lesson is not for us, sometimes it’s for them. Sometimes it just sucks and that’s all. The gift is that more days are coming down the line. More moments and opportunities and chances for growth. And each ride you take on the carousel of repetitive relationships, don’t fret. It means you are just that much closer to your truth. Let us all rejoice in that. Closer to truth is always better than further away.
I love you so much and I am praying for you through your dark times and on to your light and love. It will come again, that light and love. And when it does, you will be the most you YOU have ever been. Glory.